Things are not what they seems
by meanD
Summary: Secrets, everyone has one, at least.. But what happens when all your personality is a lie? Would you help someone who is fading away as each day goes by? Slow burn of Jori
1. Prologue

**Things are not what they seems**

**Prologue**

Everyone hide a secret, a past, a part of their personality... Sometimes people becomes something that they're not, they become something that they hate, some becomes something better, but within the change a part of ourselves fades away, it no longer exists, it's _gone_.

It's a skill that with time one will develop... It's like creating a character for a performance, an endless performance… But you have to know the price, if you concentrate too much, if you get in too deep in the character, you lose yourself. You become the character and you can't go back.

Even in the little actions that a person does, if you see closely, it's a facade, it's acting…

I don´t know when I started; I would say since _that day _but that it's not true… I just started to develop it, when I realize that, I had a mask already. A disguise, I have created a character, a character that I have polished so much, with try and error… Till the inevitable, I was the character. I've lost myself.

* * *

**Autor's Note:** Hello, this is my first fic, I hope you like this. I'm not sure if this is a good idea, so tell me what do you think.**  
**

English is not my language so please, be able to forgive any spelling and grammar errors.


	2. Chapter I

**Things ****are ****not ****what ****they ****seem**

**Chapter ****I**

Another Monday, 6:30 am, it was too early; the school was practically empty except for a few cars in the parking lot. That is the way she like it, empty. It always gives her a moment of peace, where she can be doing whatever she wanted: be lost writing and perfecting one of her stories, or simply enjoy those little moments of silence and calm of the halls before they will be filled with the loud noises and crowded with all the young artists that bring life to the school.

Another day and the routine begins, she already knows it too well, one by one each member of the gang will be arriving to the main doors of Hollywood Arts, go to their lockers to get whatever they need and then everyone would be around the locker of _her_.

She just stayed at hers, taking a sip of her beloved drink before it gets cold, letting the little breeze along with the calmness to take her to a peaceful state.

-/-

The morning went pretty fast, it was lunchtime and her headache was getting worse, killing completely her mood. Everybody was at the table, deep in a conversation, chatting cheerfully. She didn't care about what they were talking about; she usually doesn't bother about it.

That didn't mean she doesn't take care of her group of '_friends'_, not that she would admit that, it just like the old saying that goes: _If you don't have anything good to say, then say nothing._ But she always takes note about her surrounds, since she was a child, she notices everything, she notices the little things that others wouldn't, who looks at the bigger picture. For example at this situation, right now, she notices how loosely Robbie, who's sitting next to Cat, is leaning a little toward her and Cat seems to not notice. How Andre seems to be listening to whatever Vega was saying but if you look at his hands, his fingers are pounding slightly the table, you can see that he was lost in a song. Beck is listening to the same story, but his arm around her playing slowly with her shoulder and her hair, so smoothly gives away something else than attention and Vega, talking freely, annoying as always, if you see she seems so cheerful but her eyes gives a different sensation, is so subtle, like a sparkle of something more but what's that she doesn't know. Maybe is her imagination, but she has a feeling.

You´ll see she always has discovered that everyone hides something, it can be anything and she always discover it, call it a sixth sense. She always sees those things that reveal that people hide something and they aren't who they claim to be. Even within the gang, she knows that they are not open. She sees through the barriers of their personalities, she senses that they have something behind locked in the shadows.

She knows this because she has her own walls; she has her own things covered, things that she knows that nobody need to know... If nobody is sincere and they hide things from others, then how can one expect to a person be open and tell things that could be personal, that could bring up _pain_, that could bring the feelings that once you felt and you don't want to relive it. Even with Beck, she knows that he proclaims to be sincere, that he doesn't have anything to hide, with that locker of him being transparent. But she knows that behind that façade, he is not all he says he's. They don't know everything from each other. She hates the fact that she can't trust him with everything, like they said that the key of a relationship is _trust_. How can you say that when you know that nobody seems trustworthy?

He knows that she has those insecurities, even though she never told him. He knows her well enough; they have been in a relationship for so long. But even though that, he often provokes her, teasing her to see what her reaction would be, she doesn't like when pretty girls are near him, because she knows that even if he does his 'calm, it's everything fine' attitude, he often does those things, just to provoke an argument and the fights that never stop and that's what she hates the most, that's what causes her to intensify her thoughts of people are not worth of her trust. But at some point if she thinks like this then why they are always back together as they are now? She doesn't know the answer to that, that question haunts her mind constantly. If she's honest with herself, she's torn between her principles and her boyfriend, she wants to stay away from him, she wants to end this and in the other hand she wants him, she wants to believe in him, in how he seems to be like, talk to me, let me in but if he is hiding behind some kind of barrier how can she let him in… It's like an eternal battle inside of her, the confusion, and her insecurity and her 'six sense' playing against her but she knows that her heart wants him, wants the only thing that has bring to her some stability, someone who's caring, who's there for her, who loves her.

But as time pass by, she sees how things torn apart on their own, as how the constants fights, how the jealousy, how her insecurities are bringing down something that they have built together but he deserves blame in this too, he has started to show a 'dark side' of him, somehow, his "wall" was cracking, letting her to know someone new at her eyes, his vicious side, how he loves to have control over her, he loves making her jealous, he's provoking the fights lately, he likes to make every girl of the school know that he has a girlfriend, so he's like a precious thing that no one can touch. It was something that was causing her sick to the stomach.

Her 'ability' never fails and in this case has broken her heart, she hope that he would prove her wrong but in the end, she was right.

He liked to play with her, he used her to make every girl even more attached to him when he didn't need to do that, with his façade and looks has the entire school at his foot. When she saw _that scene_ in the monitor, it was like a stab in her back, but it only has made her realize that that knife was there for some time now.

But then, why, why are they back together? She didn't understand it; it was like an automatic mechanism in her and him. She was in a dilemma.

Unconsciously, she was stabbing her salad with a lot of frustration till the sound of the ring, meaning the end of the recess, has brought her back to reality. She was again lost in those thoughts… Those thoughts that would some nights make her stay awake, those thoughts that would leave her mind a mess of emotions, ranging from frustration, sadness, anger and disappointment, _disappointment_.

That word fits a lot in so many moments of her life. "_When you have expectations, you're setting yourself up for disappointment_" and with that thought in her mind, Jade went to class.

* * *

_The marks humans leave are too often scars_

_ - John Green_

* * *

**_AN: Here is the first chapter, enjoy! Thank you for all the reviews, all of you who puts this story in alert. Thank you. Please review, I wanna know what do you think. Till the next chapter_**


	3. Chapter II

**Things ****are ****not ****what ****they ****seem**

**Chapter ****II**

The loud sound of the alarm going off has waked her up. Slowly she left her bed, as her mind slowly was waking up. She did her routine, shower, change her clothes for the day, going downstairs to have breakfast. As she was going downstairs, she ignored the pang of pain that she felt at seeing that nobody was there, "_empty house, again_" she thought. Meanwhile she was eating her cereal, her mind wandered and recalled on the last events of the week. She groaned at the thought of having to do script writing with Jade.

She was tired of the many attempts of Sikowitz about them working together when they can't stand each other. She was resigned of trying to change her teacher's mind, it was pointless.

She decided to get going to school; it was late already, before dwell on those thoughts… When she got to the school, she went directly to her class, Spanish.

It's one of the easier classes she has, but she liked it. Today she went to sit at the back of the class, this has become a habit of her since a few months, and it was a class that she shared with none of her friends. The teacher, Miss Anne Williams was giving an assignment about writing an alternative scene of the book that they have been reading in class with some other guidelines but Tori was no longer listening, she was lost into the music of her iPod.

The teacher took notice of this but she let it slide away, all the hard work done was giving Tori some benefices which she was grateful for. She will do that task later, anyways.

Tori grabbed her sketchbook and started to write. Lost in her music and watching as the leaves fall off trees; Tori felt that today was going to be a long day.

* * *

_So on to the ocean and into the sea, so balanced and calm now, that's where I will be.  
So on to the ocean and into the sea wash away all my problems wash away memories._

* * *

-/-

Today, her luck wasn't on her side. As the day progressed, she had got a low grade on songwriting; she had some problems with her locker, in her math class she couldn't concentrate.

It was time for Sikowitz class, everybody was already here waiting for their teacher to appear, who was ten minutes late. Tori only wanted to end this day and go home and to add up, she has to go walking, because Trina was out already and she took the car.

Sikowitz appeared through the window and now he was in the middle of the stage drinking his coconut. Tori didn't bother to try to make some sense inside of her teacher's head, she was tired. Suddenly Sikowitz wanted to do an alphabet improve, calling Andre, Jade, Robbie and Cat. This lasted most of the hour, but eventually Jade has won.

As everyone was gathering their things to go home, Sikowitz spoke.

"Remember kids that you have to do the script writing with your partner and it's due to the next week"

"And no, for the 50th time, Jade, I won't let you switch partners" – He said before Jade could even complain

"And now, there are some other rules for the script: 6 or 7 characters minimum. Minimum 10 pages long max 15 pages. With this I want you, kids, to develop a good story. Mostly I want all of you to explore new things, don't do the typical genre that you are comfortable with, try something new. Final rule: it has to have some plot twist, something unexpected, don't be predictable."

-/-

As Tori were ready to leave, reaching the main doors of the school, Jade approached her.

"Vega!" – Jade yelled as she was getting close, Tori slowly turned around to face the Goth.

"What?" – Tori said. Inside, she was groaning the last thing she wanted was to deal with Jade.

"Listen, we should start doing the project for Sikowitz, so I will be around 7 pm at your house. The faster we end this, the less I'll have to deal with you" Jade said.

"I don't want to deal with you either, and stop being bossy" Tori said. And another argument begins.

"I'm not bossy, Vega. I don't like you. But I want a good grade, so suck it up. I don't want to have to deal with Sikowitz making me having a 'date' with you again or whatever." Jade said, already irritated. And she walked away

Tori stood there seeing as Jade walks off, shaking her head. She didn't like the idea of having to deal with Jade. She only wanted to go home and sleep.

After one hour walking home, Tori were on her living room, lying on the big red couch of her house switching channels trying to find something interesting on the TV. She looked at the clock, it was 4 pm, and she has 3 hours to do what she desired.

She was lucky that Trina wasn't at home; she didn't want to deal with her annoying behavior. Don't get her wrong, she loves Trina with all her heart, but she can drive you crazy. Although thinking about this, Tori recalled that the last time that she has seen her sister was yesterday for a few seconds in the night… Suddenly the silence and emptiness of the house became more intense. Tori shook her head; she didn't want to think of _that._ Taking advantage of her free time, Tori decided that catching some sleep would be the best option.

-/-

A loud knocking has woken her up. Tori looked at the clock and it marked that was 7:05 pm, "_shit, Jade_" Tori thought with a shudder. She fixed her hair and clothes a little in a rush.

"Come on, Vega, open up" Jade yelled, losing the little patience she had.

"Coming" Tori yelled as she was running toward her door.

She opened the door and was granted with a pissed off Jade, who has her arms crossed over her, her bag hanging around her arm.

"Finally" Jade said as she went inside.

Tori only saw how Jade went inside of her house and sit on one of the couch making herself comfortable.

Jade was already searching through her bag for her notepad so they can start doing the assignment; Tori went upstairs to get her glasses.

When she went downstairs, Jade was already writing 3 plots ideas. Tori slowly went behind Jade to have a look of what she was writing. One was a comedy with a heavy dark humor; the other one was an action/psychological thriller and the last one was a horror idea, with a pretty disturbing description that made Tori shiver.

"Liking what you see?" Jade said with a smirk on her face.

"I like the second one" Tori said.

"I like the second one" Jade mocked Tori with her Sweet Sally Peaches voice.

"I don't talk like that!" Tori said, exasperated.

"Yes, you do" Jade said, never stopped writing.

After a pointless argument between both girls, Tori decided to write her own plot idea inspired by Jade's action/psychological thriller idea. She decided to make it with a crime theme, using some knowledge given by some stories told by her father.

-/-

The hours passed, with both girls lost on their own creations without interactions, Jade decided to call it a night, and left the Vega household without saying a word. Tori ignored her partner; she's being Jade after all. But she knew that they will have to work on this together eventually.

Tori continued to polish her idea some more, when she saw that was midnight, she decided that it was time for bed. She hoped to see someone of her family to come home, but again, no one was there. She decided to ignore the pang of pain like she did this morning and went to bed, _hoping_ to have a good night sleep.

* * *

_Sometimes the person who tries to keep everybody happy is the loneliest person_


	4. Chapter III

**Things ****are not what they seem**

**Chapter ****III**

The next day came fast, and the routine begins again, she didn't know when but everything has become such sameness in her life and she just didn't care about that. She was tired. Tired of how things have turned into _this_. She felt numb at everything.

It was time for lunch; she was at the library of the school. Another habit of hers, she has found some kind of comfort, lost in the lives of different characters and how they resolve their problems. Surrounded by dozens and dozens of books in big bookshelves, and the silence of that place, it always gives her some peace, something to entertain her mind, especially when the day is going bad.

Like the day before, her luck was nowhere but at her side. She felt like she couldn't face her friends now, it's not like she didn't wanted to be with them, but one needs a day to be by themselves. Oh, _the irony_.

So here she was, with her drink next to her right, reading one of her favorite's books "_The Perks of Being a Wallflower_", till she had to return to her classes.

-/-

The school day continued without major events. In Sikowitz class, her teacher wanted to do an improvised scene with her, Jade and Beck. Incorrect choice of actors made, simply. It ended badly, and again Beck and Jade fought, it seemed like a break up would happen. Tori just stood there, in between of the fight – Thankfully Sikowitz decided to stop them, and dismissed his class. Jade obviously blamed Tori for this, Tori just ignored what happened and let things flow without her intervention, she knew that it was a brief break up of them, like always. She knew that if she gets in, it would end worse.

She didn't understand how Beck and Jade are still together. Don't get her wrong, she sees how they are in love; how they care about each other but having so many fights and brief break up in between, she doesn't think that is a healthy form of having a relationship. She sometimes (many times) does not understand the dynamic in their relationship. She knows that Beck is the only one that can calm down Jade; he can make her to be more polite and stops her from hurting Tori.

But what she doesn't understand is how in their dynamic can be about possession and jealousy. She finds that to be a very toxic situation. Though Tori understand why Jade is so possessive of Beck, who is so pretty nice guy and always is surrounded by every girl in Hollywood Arts… But that jealousy is getting so out of control. She saw many times that Beck likes doing that to Jade, which she found it kind of a bad thing. She thinks that showing a bit of jealousy for your boyfriend/girlfriend is ok but this is too much.

She sees how their relationship is falling on them and they often seem like they don't care about it, but she knows them well enough. But the lack of trying to keep the love going is so obvious…

Tori was so deep in her thoughts about them that she didn't seem to notice that she was at her locker gathering her things so she can go home, her body was in auto-pilot.

-/-

In her house nobody was there, she didn't mind. She was getting used to this. She just wanted to sleep. Lately this thought was in her mind, _sleep_. She needed a good night sleep, but she can't and it was driving her mad. She was in her bedroom, doing her homework for tomorrow, the faster she'll be done with that, the more she can relax and try to get what she desired.

At 7 pm, she was woken up by a loud knock. It was Jade, again.

"Jade?" Asked Tori when she opened the door.

"Vega" Said Jade, "Seems like someone was going to bed already" Said Jade after taking a look at Tori, who was in some comfortable clothes, her hair in a messy ponytail and her glasses.

Tori only shrugged at her and let Jade in her house.

"What are you doing here?" Tori asked, going to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice.

"I come here to give you some company, Vega… What do you think that I'm doing here; I come to end this stupid project for Sikowitz. The faster we end this, the less I'll have to see you." Said Jade, irritated and with sarcasm.

Another argument between them went on, till Tori decided to go upstairs to get her notepad where she wrote her story and meanwhile try to calm down.

Jade after she saw Vega disappear of her sight, took notice of her surrounds. She noticed how the Vega household felt so empty and lifeless, it seemed like the only one living here is the young half-Latin girl. None of the cars was at the driveway. She was glad that Trina wasn't here; dealing with one Vega was more than enough for her.

After that Tori came down, they were in the individual couches working on their projects. A thick tension settled in the room. Tori tried to break the uncomfortable silence, but before she could say something, Jade yelled No with such screechy tone and with that they continued what they were doing.

-/-

Again Jade left the house without saying anything. Tori only saw her leave; she didn't know how they are going to do this if they couldn't even communicate without ending at each other's throat.

She didn't understand why Jade don't let her be friends, Tori tries every time to prove her that she is willing to be her friend, that Tori cares about her, that she wants to know her. But the raven hair girl always pushes away; avoiding or blocking every try from the brunette and Tori was tired of all the insults and bitterness behavior from her.

She was tired of how Jade always tries to blame her that she is after her boyfriend when Tori already said thousands of times that she only sees Beck as a friend but Jade is being stubborn with her jealousy blinding her sight.

And to add up, lately they were arguing and fighting more than usual, she didn't know if it was because Jade was being more mean and rude or that she was tired of bearing with her and endure all the things that she says to her. But what she knows is that her group of friends is getting sick and tired of all of this.

But even after all the crap that Jade puts up to her, she is still willing to know her, to reach her and become friend with her. Someone else would have given up already and tell her that she was losing her time apart from being masochist but Tori continues trying, something inside of her tells that it's worth all the sacrifice.

-/-

After finishing her homework, Tori decided to check up TheSlap to see what's going on with her friends… Nothing important, just the usual: Cat saying something about her Pajelehoocho, André telling something that did her grandmother, Robbie says about an argument with Rex, Rex humiliating Robbie… The usual posts.

Someone else would say that her group of friends is pretty odd, but for her they are awesome people.

She turned her laptop off. The silence of her house was heavy and it would bother her but right now she didn't care, she was _numb_. She was tired, she only wanted to _sleep_.

* * *

_When she needed help the most, she was abandoned – and only when she offered help to others she was beloved_

_- Matthew Quick_


	5. Chapter IV

**Things**** are not what they seem**

**Chapter ****IV**

Friday, 7 pm, Vega's household:

Another day that Jade appears at the Vega's doorstep to work on their writing script. It has become like a routine, since their crazy teacher gave this task, Jade has been coming to this house at the same hour all week.

She looked up at the sky for a second before knocking the door, the sight wasn't very encouraging: the sky was being filled with gray clouds, giving out that rain would fall at any moment. She liked to go for a ride under the rain but today she wasn't in the mood. "_Stupid weatherman… And he's still doing this when he always fails with his job, sucker_" She thought.

She knocked the door loudly to make her presence known by the person inside of the house; she had to wait a couple of minutes in which her patience was lacking, but before she could yell or break the door down, the half-Latin girl opened.

"Jade" The brunette said, stepping aside letting the Goth girl in

"Vega" The Goth girl said going inside.

The same exchange of words and then it's settled the silence, the tension present in the living room of that house, meanwhile both girls work on their stories. No more conversation. The only sound that could be heard is the ticking of the clock and their breathing.

After a few hours, the wind started to blow as the gray clouds gathered more and more in the sky becoming more prominent, the rain started gently with a few drops falling… As time passed by, the rain becomes stronger, the wind blowing faster and stronger making the trees move with such abruptness that the sound of the leaves rustling was loud.

The flickering sky was a colorful mix of black, gray, blue and purple; streaks of white appearing for a second before vanishing, here and there as the thunders glowed and roared. The thin, dingy rain falling, splattering to the ground drenched the outdoors. The water battered against the glass of the windowsill.

To both girls the events of outside went unknown as they were so concentrate on the world created on the white sheets of their notepads, till a loud cracking sound of a thunder makes them to jump in their seats, pulling them out of their activity.

Tori turned around in her seat, seeing through the window the pouring rain for a few seconds as the light of a thunder cover the vision, giving a big white flash.

Tori sigh as she lets her body fall off the red couch. Jade stood up and went to the wet window to have a look. After that she sighed too, she looked the hour in her phone, it marked that was near half past ten.

"Well, Vega, it seems that I have to be stuck here, at least till the storm stops" Jade said. She hated the idea of being stuck here and with the annoying brunette but she won't go into the road on her car in the middle of a storm. It's a crazy and stupid idea.

"It's okay, we have a guest room" Tori said. She wasn't excited to have Jade here, but there is no choice.

-/-

After a while, the girls were bored, they left the work a few minutes ago, and they were in silence.

"Jade, we have to work on this project together, we can't give 2 scripts to Sikowitz that is not the point of the task" Tori said

Jade gave Tori one of her 'death glare' but it didn't scare Tori.

"Shut up, I don't have to work with you, I simply do the work and I give my script to Sikowitz, for you, I don't care" Jade said, harsh.

Another argument between those two went on for at least one hour. They were like cats and dogs; they couldn't even say something without fighting over it.

Tori decided to grab Jade's notepad and Jade did the same with Tori's. They were surprised by what the other had written.

"Wow, it's a great story that you've written, Jade." Tori said as she was flipping through the pages.

"Yours is merely decent, Vega" Jade said indifferent. Truth be told, Tori's story was a very good idea, it shows the influence of her father's job but it has some stereotypes and typos which Jade easily could fix.

They decided to mix the stories into one, Jade was the one writing meanwhile Tori was by her side and giving some ideas, past two hours they have their work nearly done, it lacked the final.

Jade stopped writing, leaving her pen aside of the notebook and looked at the brunette.

"What?"

"Vega, do you have something to eat? It's… It's nearly 12:30 pm and I'm hungry" Jade said bluntly.

"Yeah, let me check" Tori went to the fridge "We have pizza from Domino's Pizza… Do you like that?"

"Yeah, it's fine"

"If you want, you can look through the movie collection"

"I'm not going to watch some sappy romantic movie of yours Vega!"

Tori rolled her eyes "In the rack, the shelves of the right side, which is my dad's collection. There should be something"

Jade looked through the shelf that Tori said, and there were movies of her like, mostly the genre was action, some of crime themes, till she found one of her favorites.

When Tori went to the living room, placing the food in the little table she asked "What are we going to watch?"

"_The Silence of the Lambs_" Jade said with a smirk.

Tori didn't say anything after that.

Meanwhile the movie was playing, both girls ate pizza, mostly Jade, who noticed it and frowned but didn't say anything. It wasn't the first time that she caught Tori eating less or rather not eating at all.

-/-

After the movie.

"Shouldn't someone be at home already, Vega?" Jade asked. She was curious, she noticed that every time that she came the only ones in the house were both girls.

The question caught the brunette by surprise. She didn't expect Jade to ask that. "Lately, dad has been working a lot and mom is out in a trip because of work too... Trina is hanging out with her friends" Tori said shrugging. It was true what she said but not the whole thing. No one in the gang knows about her family's situation. Nobody asked. And Tori would not tell Jade, of all people about _that_.

"That whack job that you've as sister has friends?" Jade asked surprised.

"Jade!"

"Vega"

By a few minutes they glared at each others gaze. Jade noticed the same sparkle in Tori's eyes. The same sensation like the other day, which Jade didn't understand.

Tori looked away, turning off the TV, heading upstairs . She spoke in an emotionless voice.

"I'm going to sleep, the guest room is upstairs, to the background on the right... You should do the same, since the storm seems that is not going to stop any time soon"

Jade was left in the living room speechless, she didn't understand what caused the drastic change on the young half-Latin girl. She seemed so cold and distant a second ago, it was odd...

* * *

**AN: That's it for this chapter. I would love if you, guys, leave constructive criticisms. I want to improve my English. And leave what do you think about this, too. Thanks, till next chapter.**


	6. Chapter V

**Things ****are not what they seem**

**Chapter ****V**

Jade was at the roof of her house, looking at the sunset in the afternoon with a bottle of vodka in her hand. It wasn't a thing that she usually would do but today she felt like she needed it.

Her mother and little brother were in the house and she didn't want to be around them. Her mother is a hardworking, strict woman who works as a lawyer and she is pretty successful, she nearly never loses a case. Her little brother is an 8 years old naughty boy, sometimes he is too naïve for his own good. He is like the golden boy to their father and because of that he doesn't want 'his boy' around Jade, _his sister_, all because he doesn't want to him be rebellious like his sister. But even if he doesn't want, his golden boy has to pass some days with them.

Truth to be told, Jade hates her _family, _maybe apart from the little naughty boy, her family sucks. She's the outcast of this, she's the black Sheep and she doesn't belong with them. Not that she wants to relate with them, she'd rather slam her tongue in a car door.

* * *

_If home is where the heart is why do I feel so fucking heartless?_

* * *

-/-

Today after leaving the Vega household pretty early, when she came home, nearly half hour later she had a redhead girl who was too excited and bouncing at her doorstep. The smell of bubblegum and candy making a strong presence.

Cat was bored and decided that it was time to pass time with her best friend or as she likes to call it 'Jade and Cat hanging out time'.

So they went to a little coffee bar that was down street that they always went, it's not very popular but they make good coffee and if you want to have a good conversation it's a great place. Cat was having a cake with strawberries and Jade her usual black coffee with two sugars.

Their conversation went pretty smoothly till…

"You and Tori are fighting more and more… We are getting tired of this" Cat said.

Jade only gives her a death glare but Cat ignored her, she knew her for so long that it doesn't scare her.

"You know, that you should give her some opportunity, she has helped you many times… What you could at least do is to try and be a little bit nicer to her. So the group can be more unite and have some more harmony, at least" Cat said, casually trying not to make her friend angry.

While Cat was talking, Jade remained silent, but her face was giving away her dislike for the topic. Cat should know more than anyone that Jade West hates Tori Vega.

"We aren't going to talk about the annoying Vega, Cat" Jade said firmly with a stern glare

"Come on, Jadey ––––"

"Don't call me that" Jade said, frustrated.

"Kay-kay" Replied Cat in a low voice. "But eventually you will have to stop acting like this; you should know that Tori can be a great friend".

After a long pause, Cat asked about another issue that shouldn't have even been brought up.

"How is Dylan? It been a long time since I have seen him when I went to your house"

Jade stiffen up and stayed silent for a few seconds before answering "Fine, he is still being the same naughty naïve little brat of always… He has asked for you, though"

"He is a sweet little kid... Hopefully he won't lose his innocence too soon" Cat said in an affectionate tone with a bit of sadness at the end.

"Yeah, I won't keep my hopes too high on that, knowing the _family_ that he was born to be part of…" Jade said indifferent and harsh without noticing.

After Jade said that, Cat stared at her best friend, who she has met when they were just kids, someone who has gone through so much pain, rejection, betray… Cat obviously was always by her side, and Jade was by hers when things went rough in her life too.

She admired Jade so much, for how she's so brave, tough, she could go through hell and she would seem so stoic and act like nothing is happening, but Cat knows better, she knows that even a person like Jade has a breaking point, being stoic and act like nothing is happening is a façade just so anybody would go fucking things more for her, is a wall to keep people away from her. But she knows how Jade was/is inside, she's still that cute soft girl that loves her best friend and little brother with her heart and the redhead girl has watched as Jade has been growing up so fast, building those walls around her broken heart meanwhile things keep getting screw up… Now, she knows that the personality that she lets everyone to see in part is an act and in part is herself, she has transformed herself in this "bad girl" to protect herself from the cruel world which she had witness since a pre-teen.

She hated seeing her friend being treated like a thing by her own family, it kind of reminded of how her family is always forgetting about her, her parents are always so busy with her older brother who needs 'special treatment' and sometimes they take long trips to get the right doctor to her brother. She doesn't hate them, she understand that her brother needs to be taken care of and that can lead to be 24/7 but she needs her family too, she needs her parents to be there for her too, that they take care of her, at least for a moment to have their attention.

"You know, that I'm here, for whatever you need… I'm here" Cat said, while with her right hand reached Jade's, which was resting across of the table, giving a squeeze. "Even through right now I'm hanging out less with the gang, and I'm busy with babysitting with my roommate Sam, whenever do you need me, just call me, you know that I would be there…. I've been by your side since we met and I'll always be" Cat finished her speech with tears gathering in her eyes and giving Jade's hand another squeeze a little bit tighter.

Jade was a little bit caught off guard with the redhead's speech, she was lost in some memories and with what Cat said she felt as her eyes were filling with tears.

"I...I…" Jade couldn't form a decent sentence, she took a deep breath before saying "I know, and you know that I will be there for you too, Cat… We have been best friends for so long and even though I haven't been acting like one (especially in front of a lot of people, I have a reputation to keep up), but you know that you are important to me. And whenever do you need me, call me. Especially, when you feel alone, you of all people, don't deserve to feel that way" Jade said with a small but genuine smile which remained of the old Jade.

"Come on, let's get out of there"

"Kay-kay"

* * *

_I said I'd never let you go, and I never did  
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it_

* * *

-/-

The road trip was done in silence, both girls were lost in their respective thoughts and they were replaying what have both said. The place where they were going was so familiar for them.

They were heading towards the place where it started all, where it started such friendship.

An old park of L.A. which since some 3-4 years ago, it's abandoned because of a news of some incidents in that place and the stupid rumors of being haunted by ghosts seeking revenge possessing every person who set foot in that place.

They didn't care about those stupid things; even they see it as a good sight because they have the place for themselves, so nobody would bother.

That place was like their sanctuary, a place where they could do anything they wanted, talk, play in the swings, walk or even lie down without the judgment of anybody… There they shared so many memories some good some bad and painful ones… Even the deep conversations usually happened here. If the trees of that place could talk, they would have so many stories to tell…

And there they were, in a calm Saturday of autumn, walking toward a wooden weathered bench under some oak trees, each step accompanied by the cracking sound of the leaves in the ground, walking toward their bench.

It was like a scene of the movies, both girls sitting in the bench under a big old oak tree, with their gaze lose in the distance, enjoying the soft breeze, the leaves of the tree moving along with the wind and some fell to the ground and many on the bench.

The sun was shining so bright, the light leaking through the colorful treetops giving away a soft light and a blanket of warmth. The air was fresh and clean and the smell of dew was present.

-/-

Jade clenched her hand around the bottle of vodka unconsciously as her expression slowly furrowed.

What they talked in the park today wasn't leaving her mind and it was messing around and she didn't like that. It bothers her.

-/-

After several hours have passed, both girls were still on the same spot, but now Cat was leaning on Jade with her head on her shoulder. Jade has her arms wrapped strongly around the petite girl. Both girls have tearstains on their faces.

After a pause, Cat spoke, her voice scratchy because of crying.

"You know, Jadey… Life is a performance, in which every single person forms a part in, everyone has a character designed, and one doesn't know who is. And as you are growing up you develop the character, slowly with such details… And every person has their own play which develops as an improvisation. Then along the road, you meet others characters that comes along from their own plays. They give something to you, an experience; something is left of them in you. It reflects on your character.  
There are some special people who can give their characters a specie of 3rd dimension in which their character becomes more than 1, it shows so many faces, a different personality that can't be classified as the main character of that play, they become like secondary, tertiary or even more… Those are who I think that I would call 'the actors'. And to be sincere, Jadey, we are both actors in this performance that's called 'life'".

"I can't say when I started, I didn't even know when I created this character I just did. Just like you. I saw your transformation; I saw how you created so many disguises that cover the main character of you. But one thing that I can say is that the main of you is a beautiful soul wanting to be discovered by someone special."

"But time is ticking and this main character is fading, is getting trapped in the shadows by the disguises that are above this. Jade, don't let this fade, please."

-/-

To say at least that Jade West was left speechless was the understatement of the year. She just couldn't believe what she heard her best friend say.

Cat can be a ditzy and childish but that is just her way to make everyone to fall for a disguise, like her. Even Jade sometimes forgets the great person that is behind that façade, a wiser person who is willing to help her whenever she needs it, who knows exactly what to say. She has her own problems like everyone but she created a disguise based on some of her best qualities, based on her brighter years even if that implies to be childlike. It just makes her like an innocent little kid trapped in a teenager body. Because that's what she is holding up, her innocence, she doesn't want to have to give that away by those things that she had to go though.

That is one of the biggest difference between them, Cat had make a 'character' who gives the best of her, not letting her life to make her a bitter person, she held up on the time where things were simple and her innocence was still with her. In the other hand, Jade made a 'character' that has a prickly personality, rude, mean, sassy, dark. Her self is covered up by many layers of bitterness and the cruel reality of the world to be seen.

And even if Cat claims to know everything about her, she's wrong. There are some things that she couldn't say to her best friend. And now that she have come to see how her redhead girl sees the world, it was clear that she doesn't have to know about those.

It would only destroy her, and she didn't want to damage Cat, her innocent best friend. She went through enough already and this only would shatter the world that her friend created.

She was feeling very frustrated with this, even the only person who has been there for her, she couldn't lean on totally like Cat or she wanted. She had to face those demons alone.

Jade feeling anger running through her veins, stood up from the roof, and grabbed the empty bottle and threw it up with such force that it made a loud crack; it was shattered to pieces, making Jade to smirk.

* * *

_The fragile cannot endure_

_The wrecked and the jaded_

_A place so impure_

_The static of this cruel world_

* * *

-/-

* * *

_After that moment, Cat slipped back to her ditzy, childlike lovely self, grabbing Jade by her arm and started to run toward the swings laughing loudly making Jade to run along. _

_They were in the swings, getting higher and higher, Cat was trying to reach the sky, just like when they were kids. The old Jade came to the surface and she was laughing and smiling as she was getting higher and higher. The park was filled by the laughter and joy of two teenagers who in that moment they were kids again, feeling free, wanting to fly. _

_After a long time, the park was filled with life._


	7. Chapter VI

**Things**** are ****not ****what ****they ****seem**

**Chapter ****VI**

Monday comes around in a rush.

School was normal but there was a sensation of something going amiss.

Jade West wasn't in the school today.

That was the reason that today the school seemed so peaceful… Tori was nervous, she hadn't seen Jade in any of the classes that they shared. She didn´t want to have to face Sikowitz and tell him that she didn't have the homework because her partner decided to not show that day... Tori face palmed, why didn't she make a copy of the writing?

Tori and her bad luck…

Cat was worried about her best friend, Jade wasn't a person of missing school at least without telling her. Something bad happened. She had a feeling which only rises up her worry.

It was nearly lunchtime and still no signs of Jade West in the school. Cat had tried to text her many times but there was no reply. She called but it went straight to the voicemail.

-/-

Jade West parked her car on the parking lot of Hollywood Arts. There was left 10 minutes of lunch. Jade West was really pissed off.

She went inside of the school, straight to the janitor's closet, the trashcans of the janitor will suffer the attack of her scissors.

So there she was, cutting the third trashcan in that place, with a very sharp scissor, letting her frustration out, thinking about her family and she imagined that the trashcan was her father and she smirked imagining the screams that he would give and the blood running down from his body to the ground.

Suddenly the door opened and Jade looked up to see who disturbed her, already looking with one glare of pure hatred.

In the frame of the door stood her little redhead friend, who slowly closed the door behind herself. Jade internally groaned, she knows that now Cat will give her a preaching of not appearing in school and making her worried sick.

Cat slowly went down and sat on the ground next to Jade who was surrounded by black plastic pieces of trashcans, she put her arm around her best friend and they stayed like that in silence for a while.

"Here you are" Cat said softly and calm giving a soft squeeze to Jade's shoulder.

"Hey" Cat gently wiped away the tears that were falling from Jade, "Don't cry… I'm here" Cat said in a low voice, like a whisper as she tighter her squeeze in Jade's shoulder to show her that she was there.

Jade, she didn't realize that she was crying until her best friend said that and it only made it worse. Her crying became more intense, she wanted to stop, trying hard but it only made her to chock in a sob as her tears were falling freely through her cheeks. She hated it.

She hated how easily her walls fall and she becomes weak when Cat is around. She hated how her efforts to keep on with her 'bad girl' attitude went down and expose her broken heart so freely to her best friend. She didn't like to show how her heart had another shattered piece falling, a new scratch, and another new scar to the collection.

She hated being weak. It only shows how broken she is, and it only brings pain and she hated it.

But she couldn't avoid being what she hated the most around Cat, her best friend. She had the ability to put her walls down in seconds and see the little broken and scared girl inside. She can throw away her façade of a 'bad girl' and see her real self.

She hated the control that Cat has over her and she couldn't do anything to change that.

-/-

Sikowitz class arrived and Tori were still very nervous, Jade West still didn't appear. Sikowitz made his appearance through the window, his typical craziness.

He was drinking his coconut like always when he asked "Where's Jade?" Nobody answered, everybody was asking about the Goth girl not coming to the school.

"And where's Cat?"

And with that, the gossiping went on, everybody was making theories about the both girls going M.I.A, some theories were crazy but made sense, like "Jade kidnapped Cat because she shaved her eyebrows again" and stuff like that. Tori, facepalmed, she hadn't notice the disappearance of the petite redhead. "_She maybe is lost in the hallways looking in the SkyStore through the app in her phone and lost track of time_" Tori thought, that crazy lovely Cat… She unconsciously smiled.

Suddenly the door swung open to reveal one of both girls. The crazy lovely redhead, who was giggling.

"Hi guys" She said in a singing voice and giggled. She went bouncing a little to her seat.

Sikowitz ignored her, calling Beck, Robbie, Andre to the stage.

Settled an improvised situation, in which Robbie is a nerd guy who was going to a bar because he wanted to prove that he could be cool too... In that bar, were two good looking guys. The bad guy (André) was the first one to notice the shy nerd guy, who was looking the place and the bad boy decided to humiliate him. Things escalated quickly and it turned into a fight, till the partner of the bad guy interrupted and said it was enough.

The scene went well, Robbie's comments made the classroom to laugh... In this task that Sikowitz made, he wanted the guys to correctly express the emotions to make the scene real like a spontaneity thing that would happen in real life.

The guys did it well, however Sikowitz said that it leaked of believability and then went with random things that Tori didn't understand and chose to ignore him. He could be the best teacher of the school but his craziness sometimes turns to be too much to deal with and she wasn't in the mood to try and make sense of what her teacher was saying.

Suddenly the door busted open by a really pissed off raven-haired girl. Who as she walked to the teacher, was making a loud sound by her combat boots when they hit the ground.

"Ah, Jade… Thanks for coming by and grace us with your sweet and feminine attitude" Sikowitz said ignoring the death glared that Jade was giving.

"Whatever, here you have your script writing" Jade said giving the script and then she walked out of class.

As she closed the door, the bell ringed, meaning the end of school for the day. Everybody had already gave their homework to Sikowitz, Jade was the last. Tori still felt nervous, she didn't know what the end of their story was.

Things between Tori and Jade went pretty awkward since the day that they were stuck together in her house. Tori had beaten up herself for making things more complicated than they already were.

Jade was out already of her house when Tori woke up, she didn't mind about it. Jade didn't appear at her house at 7 pm like she did all week, Tori found that weird but shrugged it off.

The next day Jade didn't appear her house again, and Tori decided to text her, telling her that they should finish their work. She didn't receive a reply, till she had send around 4 or 5 messages and the only answer was 'I'll do it. Stop bothering, Vega'.

Tori had let the things that are going on in her life take the best of her and she let take out some of her frustration and stress out on Jade when she only asked a question that she would have to expect when someone comes to your home all week and only found you to be here.

-/-

Jade was gathering her things from her locker, she was really pissed off and she closed her locker with too much force, making a loud sound.

Everybody knows that when Jade West was pissed off the best thing to do is give her space and let her be alone because when Jade West is pissed off is really dangerous. Even Beck doesn't get close to her.

But Tori Vega doesn't know when she should be in her own things and don't try to socialize with Jade, is she so blinded by her own cheerful and positive attitude that she doesn't see the signs that she should stay out of Jade, the further away, the better.

"Hey Jade" Tori said with such cheerful tone that only made Jade to get more angry.

"What do you want, Vega?" Jade said harsh, every word dripping venom. It was clearly that Tori should step away and go but she didn't realize that or she ignored it.

"I only wanted to know if you have a copy of the work and you could give me it, I want to see how you ended the story"

Jade turned around to be face to face with the annoying half-Latin girl, leaning on her locker.

"No." she said indifferent

"No?"

"No." she said harsh, losing the little patience she had, she didn't needed this conversation with the half-Latin girl.

"Well, at least do you can send it to me via email?"

And with that, Jade exploded in rage "I said no, Vega… You know? You are a bad writer, your story was bad, a piece of trash. And you only gave a few ideas. You don't deserve the grade, I do. I did the whole work. I had the idea, I wrote it, I edited it and I gave it to Sikowitz. You did nothing. You suck; you only have your name written in there. So stop annoying me with this, be happy that you will have a good grade because of me, because I'm a very good writer. Not like you, a deficient writer that have tons of errors and creates stories that are pieces of trash that makes me want to throw up". She said harsh, her eyes were in fire.

And after that she had hurt her classmate, she left the school, leaving behind a hurt brunette, who stood there looking as the raven-haired girl was going out. She stood there, feeling as her eyes were clouding by unshed tears, with her hands empty.

-/-

She was running, as faster as she can, her muscles of her legs were burning but she didn't care, she won't stop, she wanted to get the further away of her house, she was lost in the blasting music of her earphones, trying to forget the war that was going in her house.

Tori hated that her parents were like this… Everything was shattering around, their fights were driving her mad, their relationship was falling more as every minute pass… What they were doing is wrong, they are out of their sight; one burying himself in work so he doesn't have to come home, the other was going out on trips… And when they were home, they are fighting over everything; the fight never stops as they move around the house, following each other, trying to get the last word in.

* * *

_I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away  
don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have  
no choice, no way_

* * *

Trina never is around, she is always out… Tori doesn't blame her sister for never being home, she would do the same. She wishes that she could have her driving license, getting out of the house is one thing that she desired now.

What she hated the most about the situation is that she feels like she is losing her whole family, her parents are never at home, as they hated seeing each other, and when they were home, they doesn't take a moment to see how they daughters are, they are only there to get what they need and if they see each other, the fight start and never ends. Her sister is never at home, she uses the situation as a possibility of hanging out with her friends… Tori imagined Trina going to a lot of parties and getting drunk… She shook her head, thinking about that won't do anything good.

* * *

_Not every family is built to last_

* * *

_-/-_

And here she was, in a little park near her house, in the night, sitting in one of the swing, swinging back and forth slowly, as she was drinking her water that she bought from a little market near the place, her foot dragging along back and forth in the dirt floor. Preparing mentally to go back to the war zone that once was a happy home where she felt safe.

Across the park, there was a coffee bar; a raven-haired girl landed her eyes on the brunette, through some trees, seeing her looking at the ground. The sight was sad, the once cheerful, carefree girl looked so sad, depressed. It was like she was replaced with other person.

She frowned, she had been noticing the changes in the girl's personality but that wasn't her business. Shrugging it off, she went back to drink her coffee.

* * *

_She always tries to fix what's wrong when someone is down…. But what about herself? Who is there for her? _


	8. Chapter VII

**Things ****are not what they seem**

**Chapter ****VII**

Jade West was lying in her bed, throwing and catching a baseball ball to the wall. It was too early to be up, but to her disgrace the screams that her mother was giving to what seems to be a conversation over the phone has woken her up. She rolled her eyes; she knew the conversation so well that she could imitate her mother and say the exact words that she will say.

Her mother was fighting with her father over that she has to be in charge of Dylan this weekend because he and his new wife have to go on a 'business trip'. Typical lie that he uses all the time… Those fights are so stupid, they always ends the same, her father wins and does whatever he wants and her mother takes care of their young son.

Dylan is being used like a thing, being dragged between their parents, who neither of them wants to be with. It like what they did with her, the same history. She frowned; she hated the fact that her brother has to go through this. He is just a little innocent kid who being so naïve will only end badly with their behavior.

She at least is happy that her brother wasn't born when their parents were still together and he didn't have to be present during their divorce. Jade shuddered at the thought of _that, _unconsciously touching a little scar in her right arm, her fingertips tracing along the large old scar that is pretty faded out but the memory still remains, is still here haunting her, along with the others memories that are still there to remain her that those things happened and some still hurts and seeing her little brat of brother going through something 'similar' causes her to relive those things that she tries so hard to burry out in the back of her mind, trying to lock them, so she never has relive them again but those demons still mess with her. She pressed on the spot where the white scar lays as in a vain try of getting rid of those thoughts; she doesn't need to be thinking about that, she doesn't need to dwell on that pit where only brings pain, rejection, betray… Feelings that she didn't need to feel again and she didn't want to, neither.

She couldn't help, she felt like she needed to protect her brother of their own parents, she knows that they can destroy him and transform him into someone like her and the image of a Dylan when he would be a teenager with a prickly personality, being a rude, sassy, dark person wasn't something that Jade liked, but how she can save him of something that seems so unlikely to change, she was still a under-age, she can't escape from this place yet and if she couldn't even help herself to get rid of this situation, of this place then how could she help someone?

Frustration was building up and she can't help feeling anger started to run through her veins, but she inhaled a deep breath and sighed, she doesn't want to let her feeling take control over herself and make a riot in her bedroom, but she can't help herself that every time that she thinks over her family situation to feel the anger pour through her veins because she feels so powerless and helpless over this situation, she hates feeling like this, it makes her to look weak and she wasn't weak, but not being able to do anything was something that makes Jade so angry. She witnesses how they make the same mistakes with her naïve and innocent brother and she couldn't do anything to change that… She hated it.

She threw the ball with more force than before and the baseball ball went flying and landed far away from where Jade was, landed at the other side of the room, on the soft carpet that covered the wooden floor

Jade looked at the ball that lays on the floor now for a few seconds, she sighed, stood up and went to grab it and then returned to her bed and now she was slumped against the headboard of her bed with one of her legs out of the bed. She keeps doing the same thing, throwing and catching the baseball ball. She still could hear the voice of her mother who was still fighting with her father, Jade groaned.

She didn't understand how those two ended together at first, they seem so different in their personalities but when you see through their façade that they put up for the society, you could see that they are not so different after all: they don't care about other thing than themselves and what the society thinks about them.

Jade despises both of them but for the sake of her own well, she would stick with her mother rather than being with that bastard that she once called her _daddy. _

She hoped that her parents won't fight over the custody ever again but that fear remains there, because it's probably to happen and Jade won't let her father have hers, which would be the worst situation to happen… She is always checking Dylan to see if there are some bruises or scars or something without the little brat knowing it, she hoped that he never has to live what she had to go through.

She grabbed the ball and made the grip tighter as thoughts that she doesn't want to think being to appear in her mind, memories that she didn't want to be bring up again.

Her father always is in the businessman but always finds jobs were his boss is a dick and somehow always gets himself fired, so he is always in a sort of hired and fired situation, with so many changes of jobs. There was a time, when Jade was 10 years old that her father was fired again and for a couple of months Mrs. West was in charge of bringing the bread to the family.. At that time, her father was in a depressive mood, drinking at bars for many hours at night, her mother was tired for the hard work, not having time to care about her husband's troubles.

Jade knew that her family was passing through rough times but she had a feeling that things would be fine soon; after all, it wasn't the first time that her father was fired… Oh, how wrong was she. The drinking of her dad slowly got worse and when he couldn't afford to get drunk in a bar anymore, he started doing it at home.

The innocent little kid that Jade West was in that time, should had keep distance with her father and be in her own things, on her own world. But how could you avoid some kind of communication when you're left in a house with a depressive father who the only thing that he wanted to do is drink till he passed out, already having alcohol in his body… At first it was only yelling, telling her that she was worthless, a brat, she was a disgrace, etc. A lot of things that it hurt her and still sometimes when things goes downhill, his voice saying those things appears in her mind to hunt her, to make a turmoil in her head.

So, with only 10 years old, Jade had to grow up fast and take care of herself, meanwhile his father was drowning in self-pity, drinking and drinking, and no matter what she did, she always received an insult from her father.

* * *

_Where did I go wrong? Who was I supposed to be?  
No matter what I've done, you've always criticized me  
What did I do wrong? Who was I supposed to be?  
When it's said and done, will you remember me?_

* * *

Slowly the yelling wasn't enough to take off his frustration, so he started to beat her daughter, anger pouring through his veins, that little kid wasn't her daughter anymore, it was a punching bag where he could vent his frustration, no matter the screams, the sobs and the pleas saying "_please, daddy, stop_" in a broken voice, because he was blind, he was deaf to everything around, he was so absorb in his own misery, in his failure that he didn't was present of the reality of his actions. He became a monster.

* * *

_Father, bastard, I'm the Devil's very own_

* * *

-/-

A treacherous tear found his way down her cheek and then another, Jade feeling her eyes so cloudy and glassy by the tears that want to fall, she lead her arm across her face, in an abrupt movement to dispose of the tears.

Every single time happens the same, Jade feels the frustration grow inside of her, she feels mad at herself, she always tries so hard to erase those memories, like they never happened, because she knows that relive them it's the worst thing that she can do, but it seems that her own mind won't listen and always make a mess with those things, her demons are still alive and want to play with her.

* * *

_I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim._

* * *

Jade decided that it was time to leave her room, the only place in that house where nobody can disturb her, because they know that it's forbidden to get in there, you can only enter with Jade's permission and be aware about what you could find there.

She left the little ball in her nightstand alongside with a golden framed picture of her with Cat when they were younger, they looked so little and so pure, full of _innocence_.

Jade went downstairs, with her Gears of War bag already hanging around her shoulder and went straight to the main door to leave, ignoring her mother who only watched her daughter leave, without even having time to say anything.

Mrs. West shook her head at the antics of her daughter, deciding not to mind her daughter's attitude, knowing that somehow she deserves it.

-/-

* * *

_It's because of you I'm broken  
It's because of you I'm dead inside  
I never asked to be here  
It's because of you I'm godforsaken  
I never wanted this  
It's because of you I'm dead inside_

* * *

**An: Sorry for the delay, guys. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for the follows, the reviews and favs!**

**P.S: Do you know the songs of this chapter and the others? **


	9. Chapter VIII

**Things ****are not what they seem**

**Chapter ****VIII**

_"__Going to school on a Saturday again, what a waste of time" _Jade thought as she was parking her black 2008 Toyota Prius II in the parking lot of the school.

Mr. Dickers have saw how Jade had shoved pass Sinjin who was being creepy and talking non-stop next to her and it annoyed Jade so she shoved him out of her way.

So, here she was, in the school that she goes to become a great script writer and a successful actress, in a Saturday, walking towards the library, covering her ears to block the yells from the Vice Principal… Having detention on weekend, what a fun.

Dickers were still in the same room with her, much to her disgust, muttering loudly, annoyed, things like _"Where is she?" "I'll give her another detention"._

Jade wanted to tell him to shut up because he was giving her a headache, she shook her head, she didn't understand why this school hired this pathetic person to be a Vice Principal who the only things that know to do is yell. It's so annoying; she decided that the best thing to do was to listen to music with her earphones of her red PearPhone XT… Searching through her bag, looking for those red thin earpieces for a while, suddenly her mind remembered that she had thrown them away because one of them didn't work anymore. She internally groaned, she hated when the earphones only works one side, well… She hated a lot of things.

After finishing her unsuccessful search, Jade let her head fall to the school desk, trying to let her imagination work on something, maybe a new plot for a story or wander in the world of the Scissoring, anything that would make her forget that she was trapped in this place with the screamer scumbag of Mr. Dickers.

Within 40 minutes later, the doors of the library opened to reveal the person who was late, a brunette teenager girl, who has cheekbones, named Victoria Vega, best known as Tori Vega.

Jade groaned again as she felt her headache becoming more intense meanwhile Dickers was screaming at the top of his lungs, meaning that the other person who has detention was now present in the room. Jade lifted her head from her position, surprised to find _Miss Perfect_ here.

That lifted slightly her mood as she now found a way to make the next couple of hours a little more interesting, already forming some ideas of what to say or to do to annoy Tori Vega, now knowing that she found a flaw in _Miss Perfect._

Tori walked toward one of the desk, ignoring completely everything around herself, she knows that the Vice Principal was screaming at her for being late but she didn't care about it, she was glad that she had her earphones on, she wasn't in the mood to _listen_ any yell from anyone, she didn't want to stay here, she didn't want anything.

When she turned to sit in one of the desks, her eyes landed in the other person who was there, her frenemy Jade West, who has an eerie smirk on her face. Tori kept on a neutral face, but inside she was cursing her luck, always was messing with her. She didn't want to deal with Jade, she was tired and dealing with her wasn't one thing that was on her mind when she knew that she had to be here today. She, in reality, didn't want to stay here at first but after sometime she thought that it was like a blessing and now it just turned to be a hell in this moment, and only seeing the last person that she wanted to see. And now they had to spend hours here, together… What luck.

-/-

After giving their cellphones to Mr. Dickers and having a discussion that ended with Tori having 3 more Saturday detentions; one thanks to Jade, who said yes with her own voice when Dickers asked Tori if she wanted another detention and Jade having 2 more detentions, Dickers put the box on the shelf, and mentioned that the girls will have tuna salad for lunch, both girls made a disgust face seeing the food as it seemed getting rotten, and left the room, leaving behind an uncomfortable silence there.

Tori got her IPod out of her jacket, and put on her earphones each in the correct ear trying her best to ignore the intense stare that she was receiving from behind. She was about to press play when she felt that something has touched the back of her head, ignoring it she was about to resume her actions when she felt another thing has touched her head again, and another, another and another. Groaning, she closed her eyes for a second as another thing touched again, tired she turned around in her seat forcedly seeing that the things that touched her head was little balls of paper threw by any other than Jade West.

"What?" Tori snapped angrily

The eerie smirk of Jade never faded from her face as she continued to stare so intensely, looking straight in the whole face of the half-Latin girl, without saying a word, like she was in a sort of trance, looking straight through her eyes, like wanting to enter in the deeps of the brunette that she has in front of her, with a few desks of distance.

Tori played along for a few minutes in what seemed a stare game between both girls, the tension growing at a fast speed with each second passing by. No sound was heard more than the ticking of the big clock that marked the time... Tori shifted her weight moving slightly in her seat as she was growing nervous with Jade creeping her out, staring her like that. The brunette felt like her schoolfellow was trying to enter in her mind or soul to see whatever she wants, to invade her and mess with her, with those big orbs of blue-green of eyes that she had, which would mesmerize anyone, staring down at her, digging down to her soul.

She looked so intensely, like she found something so interesting in her, like she is seeing something that had caught her interest... Tori was feeling like she was being undressed by Jade's stare, like she's being left out in exposure of everything, of her fears, of her troubles, of everything that makes who she is, and her rapist was enjoying every second of this, she was enjoying making Tori uncomfortable, meanwhile the victim feels more naked as the stare keeps undressing her, without any obstacle, her victim was weak, docile, putting no fight. It was doing her job easier, her victim was practically paralyzed and frightened by her piercing gaze.

After a tortuous 10 minutes, that for her felt like hours, Tori turned around, letting her head fall into the desk as she felt tired, _exhausted_. Her last bit of energy was consumed by this contest with Jade West, who was still smirking, feeling a small boost of victory filling her.

Jade smirked some more, seeing her frenemy fall in defeat all over the desk. She decided to use her scissors to cut some paper out of her notebooks, to give them some random forms.

-/-

As her sharp scissors cut the thin paper, giving the plain canvas a new form, it transforms, it changes, to a new thing, made of the same material but it shows a new thing to the eye who witness what it is now.

People see what was before and what it is once it changed, but what about the process, the phases till the change? Who see what happened in the middle to be like this? Nobody more than life itself, the one that brings up situations in which makes you change, makes you transform because you can't be like what are you now forever, you wouldn't survive. You need to let a part of you to die and be reborn.

In this case, the only one seeing the transform of the thin, white paper, as so many pieces falls to the desk, to the _void_. Pieces, parts of what it was that are no longer needed, that only bother. Those little pieces falling like rain to the desk, to the _ground_. She loves doing this… It's like the same thing that the world made with her; those little pieces of paper are drops, water drops, falling down. Like _blood_, blood finding its way out of a broken heart, scurrying while the owner slowly perishes, the beating heart slowly stops, making it more painful... Life smirking evilly, like the smirk that she has now, looking at the dead heart.

* * *

_My thoughts are strange  
Just like the things  
I used to love_

* * *

Another bird done, she threw it away, making it to fall to the floor, along with those tiny pieces of wasted sheets. Bored and sated of wasting her precious papers, where she plasma her ideas letting her imagination flow, to this random forms, some beautiful, some twisted as her soul.

Looking up from her place to take notice of her surroundings, Jade frowned as she remembers that she wasn't alone, that someone was in the room too but no sound was heard, it feels like she was the only one there. The annoying young Vega was oddly quiet.

She looked from her desk the frame of the brunette, who was still with her upper body all over the desk. She slowly stood up from her place and walked up to where the other girl was. The half-Latin girl was asleep, her head buried into her arms, with her earphones on, blasting music through them in a low volume. Jade stood next to where the girl was resting and took notice of the situation, thousands of ideas passing through her mind, many to pull pranks on the girl… She noticed that one of the earphones had fallen off the ear of Vega, after a couple of minutes had passed; Jade took the earphone, so she could hear what the device was playing, she imagined some peppy pop song, but what she heard had surprised her.

**_No one ever lied straight to your face  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
You never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like, what it's like_**

**To be hurt**  
**To feel lost**  
**To be left out in the dark**  
**To be kicked when you're down**  
**To feel like you've been pushed around**  
**To be on the edge of breaking down**  
**And no one's there to save you**  
**No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)**

Jade stood there, surprised, that had caught her off guard. She looked down to the frame of the girl that was listening to that music. The cheerful, carefree, peppy, positive brunette was listening to a rather sad song, of Simple Plan. Yes, Jade knows the band and song. She had listened to that song before. Not her cup of tea for a time now, but it had been constantly played and it was one of her favorites, for being a description of what she felt at that _time._

She looked some more to the girl that was asleep, unconscious to what was happening, Jade put the earphone back in her ear, unconsciously she had taken it off, there was a few seconds of silence, meaning that the song has ended, but the next song that begun to play through the earphones again surprised her.

**_I hear you talk about your family life  
I wish I knew just what that means  
I guess my mother never loved my dad  
And now I wear it on my sleeve_**

She looked down at her classmate, thinking back to the slightly changes that she had noticed, since any of the gang apart of her has noticed… She frowned. Tori Vega was fooling everyone with her act of being so happy and positive, make it shine attitude but Jade had caught the tiny things that were different.

She shook her head, and took off the earphone dropping it careless over the desk, and moved on, heading toward a shelf, deciding to read something, to pass the boredom or she would go insane.

-/-

She woke up, disoriented; she slowly went from her position, recumbent to sit on the seat, her mind was waking up too slow, she closed and opened her eyes many times to adjust to the light. Even though she had slept 1:30 hour, she felt _tired_. After some minutes her mind was well aware of where she was, although her first through was "_A dreamless sleep? A Sleep without nightmares… That's good." _Her thoughts were vague and without much sense, but that had stuck with her.

* * *

_How can I sleep if I don't have dreams?  
I just have nightmares  
How can it be?_

* * *

She slowly and carefully fixed her hair, which was a little messy by the resting and after touching slightly her earphone without intention while fixing her hair, she remembered that she was listening to music before falling asleep. Now that her mind had woken up and regained sense, she heard that no sound was filling her ears, her IPod had died, the battery was drained off.

* * *

_Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life_

* * *

"Seems like someone has wake up from her beautiful sleep" Jade said, in a neutral voice that had startled Tori which caused Jade to smirk, that was covered by the book she was reading.

Tori had forgotten that the Goth girl was in the same room as her, as she slowly turned around in her seat, she saw that the raven-haired girl was reading one of Stephen King's novels, _The Shinning_.

Tori saw her and didn't say anything, suppressing the urge to say a snarky or defensive comeback, instead she did the same as Jade did, she got up from her spot and went to pick up a book from the big rustic shelves.

-/-

"_The Maze Runner, _let me guess, you are reading this because you want to go and see the movie, right?" Jade said, with a very faint disdain tone in her voice.

Tori stayed silent for a few seconds "Yes, I will go and see the movie, so what?" She said, deciding to be directly blunt and honest, if that would get Jade to be angry, she didn't _care_.

And with that, another fight between both girls went on for at least 40 minutes.

Since Monday, after Jade practically had torn Tori's head off, the half-Latin girl has shown her cold and indifferent side toward the Goth girl, which caused even more fights between them… When the fights were in front of the gang or one of them, Tori put up an act as if the fights were the usual and she was her typical positive attitude but Jade could see and hear the masked tone of indifference and coldness, under all the act, that it was there, wild and raw, being caged, waiting to be set free to slash their prey. Jade felt an unfamiliar feeling since the first time that the brunette had practically let the hatred attack her.

The fight ended with Tori and Jade leaving the library, each heading toward a different direction, to avoid each other. They were always at each other's throat.

Tori headed toward the bathrooms. After having finished with her needs, she went to the sinks, pausing a moment to have a look of herself, while she splashed some water on her face, the sight she saw in the mirror wasn't very encouraging, it was the opposite of encouraging. To anyone who looked right now at Tori Vega would say that she looked pretty, healthy and with her so cheerful soul, _Making It Shine _as she always does. But to her, the sight of herself was other thing. She saw her reflection: her hair was messy; her eyes hadn't had the same sparkle like once it did, under them there were the signs of sleep deprivation as there were bags under her eyes, her whole frame of body seemed weak, like it lacked of _energy_, of vitamins.

The whole picture in front of her was so depressing, it was the result of the situation that was taking its toll on her, but she didn't know how to stop, she couldn't help herself to stop _falling, _she was failing to keep up the 'everything is fine' act, slowly the mask that she was wearing, was slipping down on its own. Right now as she stared at the reflection of herself, she looked straight into her own eyes, those big brown orbs, they were darker than before; they were two pools of her sadness, of her hurt, of her _pain_, they showed how her soul was being wrecked and twisted as she was passing through this _nightmare,_ the loneliness, the yelling, the insults, the blame game… Everything was a lot of pressure on her, she was falling.

* * *

_I'm still scared. Afraid of failing  
Anticipating, the ride to end.  
before the wheels begin to move._

* * *

But here she was, in the bathroom of the school, looking at herself in the mirror, lost in the thoughts of how her life had turned into a downhill way to hell, dwelling in her misery… And she doesn't do anything to change it, she just let things happen and take it all, as slowly everything kill her bit by bit, but what could she even do when the situation is something that it's out of her control? She only could witness what it's happening and nothing more. It was a problem of her parents, not hers.

* * *

_If you push me then I won't fall  
I've been programmed to take it all  
And shove it way down inside_

* * *

She went back to the library, stopping to dwell on the subject, no matter how much she thoughts about it, she can't fix it. Yes, Tori Vega _can't fix_ a problem.

Arriving at her destination, Tori found Jade still reading the same book, she decided to do as if she wasn't here, oh how she needed to use her IPod.

Half hour later, Jade went and picked up her red PearPhone and called up someone, Tori guessed that it was to get something to eat, since it was near the hour for lunch. Tori were becoming sleepy, she still felt herself _tired_ but she didn't want to sleep again so she was fighting to stay awake.

"You look tired" Jade said casually, without looking away from the book. Tori, in her drowsy state, didn't notice that Jade had returned to her reading "Seems like someone hasn't been sleeping enough" Jade said, with malice in her voice.

Tori gave Jade a 'death glare' which in comparison with Jade's, hers wouldn't scare even a kitten. Jade rolled her eyes at this.

"You can't scare even a baby, Vega" Jade said, closing her book, bookmarking where she had left the reading.

Jade stood up, and left the library, Tori watched as the Goth girl went and left the place, meaning that she was the only one there, after a few seconds, in the silence and lonely place, Tori decided to follow the raven haired girl.

At the entrance of the library, Tori looked to the left and to the right, to see if she catches the girl, at the right, she could see in the distance the back of Jade, Tori had to run to catch up with the other girl which happens to have a rapid pace. Once she had matched up with her, Tori decided to step back up a little, giving some distance between them, afraid of what Jade was capable to do.

Jade gave no importance to that, she kept walking. Tori asked some questions but Jade was lost in her thoughts, besides she didn't want to talk to the girl, less to explain something. After some time, Tori gave up on talking.

They kept walking till they had reached the main doors of Hollywood Arts, where Jade decided to have a peek outside, so she stuck her head out of the door, just in time to see that the pizza dealer was coming. Searching in the back pocket of her jeans, Jade pulled out her wallet. Tori stood there, a few steps behind her, looking at her do those things without being present at all of the reality; some part of her brain was busy with thoughts.

Before that Tori knew it, both girls were back in the library. Her body once again was in autopilot, Jade was carrying the pizza, so she went to her desk, which was in the back, she left the pizza over a desk in front of herself, she was in her seat, legs over the desk and was eating a slice of pizza already and she left her scissors on the desk.

After eating a couple of slices, Jade saw that Tori was at her desk and seemed that she would not bother to get up and eat, she frowned.

"Hey, aren't you going to eat?" Jade said, a little louder than she intended, it caused Tori to be startled, she had not expected Jade to ask that, or even talk to her.

"No, thanks, I'm not hungry" Tori said. It was true, since a few days (in reality, more, like a couple of weeks) her appetite was smaller and right now she felt none.

Jade gave her a glare which the brunette couldn't decipher. After a couple minutes, both girls were looking straight in the eyes of the other, Tori decided to go and grab a slice of pizza and eat it, just for the sake of if that would make Jade to stop looking at her like that, it was making her uncomfortable. While the young girl was walking back to her place, giving her back to Jade, the raven haired girl had a small smile on her face, which after a few seconds, faded away instantaneously.

After an hour and half, the pizza was eaten by both girls, Tori ate 4 slices but with a great effort. She felt full… Again the silence was settled in the room. Jade was playing with her scissor making it rotate around her finger.

Jade went out of the library, shortly after, to roam around the school, and get out of the room. Tori didn't follow her, this time; she had returned to her read, _The Maze Runner._

-/-

Jade found her way to the music room, without being caught by the Vice Principal, or the pathetic scumbag of Dickers, like she thinks of him. The room was in utter silence and emptiness with the lights off, like it was supposed to be in a Saturday, a day in which no one would come, like it was supposed to be. But today, Jade was standing in the frame of the door of the room, leaning on it, and with her fingers, she found the switcher and made the lights to turn on, she smirked at the sight of the beautiful grand acoustic piano to be illuminated, as the whole room was coming alive...

She went and sat down on the padded little bench, she stretched her arms, as she prepared herself to play a melody on the beautiful instrument that she had in front of her.

After playing a melody that Jade had stuck in her head, the melody was really nice and cool, kind for a pop song, but it needed some arranges. So she was doing that when the door swung open to reveal Dickers, who was very annoyed. The good mood that she was having while being in that room, dropped instantaneously as she saw him there, about to scream at her.

She didn't know when, but before she knew it, she was being locked inside of the janitor's closet. Dickers was screaming at her for being out of the library, and she answered with a shrug, which only enraged him more, and it seemed like both of them moved out of the room, arguing, and in a moment, Dickers grabbed Jade by her arm, and dragged her inside of the janitor's closet.

Jade felt herself getting frustrated by the situation, cursing having to being stuck in school on a Saturday in the first place, she looked around the room, and to her disgrace, there wasn't any trash can to get even with. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs so she could get rid of the frustration, but she knew that it wasn't going to help for nothing, if it was going to do something, it would only bring her more troubles.

After maybe 25 minutes being trapped in that place, the door opened to reveal someone who was being pushed inside of that room. The person, who was being pushed, stumbled and fell. Jade groaned when she felt that something had hit her leg, what had hit her, seemed to be an arm. That person slowly got up from the ground, when Jade saw who was, she growled loudly. Now to her disgrace, she had to spend her time locked in the janitor's closet with Tori Vega.

When both girls looked at each other, they frowned.

"What are you doing here?" Jade snapped.

Tori only glared at her for a few seconds. "I could ask you the same thing" She said.

"Great, now I have to be stuck here with you" Jade grumbled with a tone of disgust in her voice.

"Well, being trapped with you it isn't the most pleasant thing" Tori said looking squarely to the Goth girl.

The Goth girl only snarled under her breath. After a couple of minutes, Jade kicked a shelf that was filled with a lot of boxes, causing many to fall… Some fell on the young brunette.

"Hey" Tori snapped, covering her face, trying to protect herself from the falling cardboard boxes.

"Have you to be such a bitch all the fucking time?" Tori exploded with rage, she was sick of Jade's attitude. This only caused Jade to smirk.

"Oh, the little sweet Tori, just said a bad word" Jade said, faking a surprise tone in her voice.

Tori was so sick of this, her emotions were taking over her, she didn't want to make this go too far so she only closed her eyes and let out a long and loud sigh, in an attempt to calm herself down. Jade did the same as before, she kicked the shelf again and many boxes fell on the half-Latin girl, again.

And that was the final straw that broke camel's back. Tori, enraged, get up from her place and went over Jade who was at the door, and pushed her to it.

"What it's wrong with you?" Tori yelled "I have enough of your dealing; I'm not your punch bag to be playing around"

Some seconds passed in silence after the abrupt rant of the brunette, but to that person it seemed like an eternity. Jade was surprised by the sudden act of the girl, but she masked it with her usual eerie smirk. So, the only thing that the raven haired girl said was "Wow, seems like the little and sweet Tori has guts"

Tori didn't expect that, she shook her head, it was Jade after all and she's always unpredictable. "I don't get you" Tori said.

Jade didn't say anything at that, she only continued to give the brunette her characteristic smile while the minutes passed by, but Jade was growing uncomfortable having the young half-Latin girl so near of her, so she lifted her right arm and with two fingers, she pushed the girl on her chest making the girl to take a few steps back. Tori didn't protest at that or did something about. They found themselves wrapped in a silence inside of the little janitor's closet.

Jade to break the ice, did what she does best, annoy the girl.

"Oh, look I'm Tori Vega, so sweet and innocent, but I have now guts, and I said bad words too" Jade said mocking Tori with her Sweet Sally Peaches voice.

"I don't talk like that!" Tori said, irritated.

"Whatever" Jade snapped venomously.

A ten minutes later, both girls were sitting on the floor facing each other: Jade was with her back pressed against the door and Tori was near the shelf using some boxes trying to make herself comfortable.

"Why do you have to be like this with me?" Tori asked, suddenly. It was something that haunts her mind all the time when it comes to the Gothic girl.

Jade sighed and tried to put herself more straight in her position, making now to have all her back pressed against the door and she stretched her head till it touched the doorknob, the cold metal at the touch sent a little chill that went down her spine.

"Why can't you accept that I want to be _friends _with you? All I have done to you is being nice and I have always helped you when you needed even when you didn't want it" Tori continued asking after seeing that the girl won't answer. She felt like it was the moment to say what she felt in her heart even knowing that would be the worst thing to do, with the person who she was talking to. But if she didn't do it now, she felt that she would never do it. Jade could practically rip her heart out straight away if she wanted right now, but she didn't care, she would run the risk.

Jade just looked at the girl, without moving even an inch from her spot, her face was unreadable.

"Haven't I told you already, you cannot be nice to me when I have been mean to you, that is not how it works!"

Tori sighed dramatically, Jade was being too stubborn, for her like.

"What have I done to make you hate me so much?" Asked the brunette in defeat, she didn't understand the raven haired girl. She wanted to understand.

"You were rubbing my boyfriend in the first day, and kissed him, the next" Jade said blunt, straight away.

"And we still dwell on the 'Beck issue'… How many times have I told you that I don't like him! Apart you dumped iced coffee in my head. I tried to explain to you that without intention I spilled my coffee on him because I was distracted and bumped into him!" Tori said, exasperated with this. She was sick of fighting over the same thing all the time.

"The coffee had gone cold, it was a waste so I had to do something with it, instead of throwing it to the trash can" Jade said, without more, as the most obvious thing on the world and shrugged.

"Jade!"

"Vega" Jade said with the eerie smirk back on as she saw her frenemy becoming frustrated with her attitude.

"Can't you behave at least for once and try and be civil to me? You were nice to me in the PMA… Can't you be like that again?"

"No" Jade said simply.

Tori frustrated sighed and ran her hand over her hair and messed with it, Jade smirked some more seeing her frenemy getting so worked out.

"Come on, Vega. Stop getting so worked up. You are too easy, you should toughen up a little" Jade said, getting tired of her attitude, she was too melodramatic for her taste.

Tori after hearing that, she raised her eyebrow and then gave her a 'death glare' which was scarier than before, back in the library.

"Oh, really? You think that I'm being a fucking drama queen, right now, right? Well, know one thing, West, you sucks. You're a horrible person with that entire attitude, even though I believe that behind that bitchy act of you, there is a sweet and cute person, like what I had witnessed sometimes with you, the first when you come to me for help to get back with Beck. But you know what? You just got what you wanted; I got tired of all this crap. I give up, really, I give up! I'm tired of bearing with all the shit you put up… I must be a masochist for dealing with all of this all this time, but not anymore." Tori exploded with rage, letting out all her frustration, all of her angry.

Then, blinded by her emotions, Tori went over her, and in her ear, she whispered "You are just a broken person, so _broken_. Your soul is just a big wrecked piece of black like the black hole that is your heart"

And then her mind remembered the secret passage that lead the way back to the library from there, in the janitor's closet, so Tori went to it and left the place, leaving behind a really stunned and dumbfounded Jade West that when she recovered from the shock she found herself alone in the janitor's closet.

At a rapid pace she went to the stairs and climbed up to the library in hopes of finding the young half-Latin girl there. What she had said had triggered something inside of her. But to her disgrace, there was no one.

Jade looked at the big clock of the place and it read 4 pm, it was time to go home, detention was over. After looking at it, the gothic girl ran to see if she could catch the other girl, ignoring her things that were strewn everywhere.

She found herself in the parking lot before she knew it and no traces of the brunette to be seen. The raven haired girl screamed, her frustration and adrenaline taking over her.

The screams were a sharp, piercing howl of pain, _pain _that Jade didn't know from where it was coming from. She felt the same unfamiliar feeling of the whole week, but this time it was so intense, it was unbearable. It was pain and no the good kind of pain. It was raw and wild, so deep, till the bones, like when a lion is being hurt, she felt _hurt _and she didn't understand why.

* * *

_Saying things without thinking often lead to hurting others' feelings_


	10. Chapter IX

**Things**** are ****not ****what ****they ****seem**

**Chapter ****IX**

The rest of that Saturday and the weekend Jade passed it with a wild rage running through her veins non-stop, she couldn't stop from feeling anger, frustration and pain. She had been wounded by the young half-Latina girl. The words that the girl had said to her had been stuck in Jade's head and she couldn't make them disappear, especially what she had whispered in her ear. It had stuck inside of her to the core.

What was making the whole thing more complicated, was because Jade didn't understand why had it been bothering her so much what the brunette said and whispered, it was driving her mad. She always has despised the brunette and made her life a living hell, at least during school, so why now that the brunette stood up against her and defended herself, led by the heat of the situation, pouring her heart out, letting out all the hatred, that was being caged, it had lashed her, word by word, nailing daggers, down to where it hurts the most, where her heart lays or where the _black hole _is, like she said.

The brunette took courage and put a stop to all, suddenly, dishing out her bully down. But Tori managed more than only knock out her bully, she wounded the person behind, she wounded an already broken person. But why _this _wound made such a mess? Why _this _wound made Jade to be so confused and to have infighting with herself?

Thinking about the whole situation was making her to become a giant ball of emotions that wanted to come out and make a disaster, a riot, tearing apart over things, persons, everyone and herself, everything that stands on their way. It was too dangerous but they were so overwhelming for her to keep them at bay.

* * *

_But the world is waiting while your heart is changing,  
and your hands are shaking and you sit there screaming._

* * *

She didn't know how she did get to her house, her mother's, safe and in one piece, she was lucky. The ride was a wild one, going at a very high speed, merely without passing the limit, avoiding the traffic lights, utterly and completely blinded by the rage. She was about to crash into something so many times, to her luck the streets were practically empty.

Arriving to the house, Jade went straight to her bedroom, upstairs, making a loud sound as the boots set foot strongly and heavily on the steps of the old wooden staircase, causing the wood to do a cracking sound, grating, as she ran all the way up, without even looking around, ignoring the world around her. Her brother was calling her and her mother was too but it was to no avail, they voices went to deaf ears.

When Monday came and Jade had to face up school, knowing that she would have to face the brunette, Jade prepared herself to be her usual self with the usual rude, mean, sassy, prickly personality of her, that's what everyone knows of her. But the rage, frustration and pain was still lingering there, anxious eating away the mind of Jade, those feelings were there, scratching the surfaces of her skin, wanting to be set free and hurt the person that has brought them to live.

-/-

Tori knew that what she did was wrong but she didn't care; she has lashed out her feelings that had been building up inside of her for so long, and now those had attacked the culprit of them, which had brought them there growing inside of her. Not that she knew that such negative and dark consuming things were inside of her, growing of everything bad that had happened, of every single experience.

However, deep in her heart she had a tiny feel of guilt for what she had done but it was being covered by strongest feelings that were messing with her mind and heart as she was going through the nightmare of what her life has come to be. She had those two big demons with her.

The rest of that day went in a blur, after that practically those dark things that were consuming her, were set free and shattered the Gothic girl out, then she had ran away in a fury. She went to the little park that was near of her house before she realized it, her body acted without her brain's permission. There she rested for a while because of the fatigue and in a try to calm herself before heading home. She didn't know what would happen if she goes in that state, it would be a disaster.

Going home, the only thought stuck in the brunette's head was "_I hope that nobody is at home_" But once again her luck was not by her side as she saw the cars by the driveway. At that moment what the brunette wanted to do was turn around and run, run away as if her life depended on it... And though in her mind she did that a thousands of times, there she was, at the door about to go inside, however she was paralyzed in place, she couldn't move. The fear was so strong; any animal could smell her terror.

She felt how her brow was all sweaty, she hated being like this and she could already hear yelling voices coming from inside, from her spot and her heart fell.

* * *

_I used to have such steady hands but now I can't keep 'em from shaking_

_I can't keep 'em from shaking_

* * *

-/-

Monday, time to go to school and face everyone, her friends, teachers... Even the gothic girl who surely would be a pain to deal with more than usual, as she has lashed against a beast. She sighed and rolled out of the bed, doing the same routine of everyday... Going down she saw that the house at least was empty; she didn't know how to feel to that, as so many feelings were wrecking her heart. She felt numb.

* * *

_I can't sleep and food has lost its taste  
God, I'm so sick of this place_

* * *

She went out to school as fast she could, the less time that she stayed in that house, the better.

At school, she put the act of 'everything is fine' up, faking being her usual cheerful and carefree self, which was becoming harder to do as the only thing that she wanted to do was to crawl back to bed and never leave it, at least if she could feel refreshed and have some energy, opposite of being so _tired._

And here she was, at her locker, surrounded by her group of friends, those that had always brought joy to her life and with their weird activities had brought some fun to her life and lots of memories that are engraved in her mind and heart. Right now they were catching up about the weekend. There were two persons missing though, Beck and Jade.

* * *

_But I still feel so alone  
Even when I'm surrounded by my best friends  
Words can't penetrate_

* * *

-/-

The day progressed without major events, but for Tori, the time in school dragged forever and she just wanted to go home.

One thing was the act and other was her heart and soul inside covered by the act along with the mask that she wears, around others. She knew the act so well, she didn't want anyone to know that there is something wrong with her, she didn't want them to worry and she didn't want pity or sympathy… That was something that has always disgusted her. Even though she knew that she was a bad liar, (as so many people had told her) she was a great actor, to at least cover her true emotions.

Even if someone has caught some odd of her behavior, she didn't know how to let others be there for her, as it was always the other way around. She knew that what she had to do was keep everything behind her cheerful self, even in the worst situations, smile always present in her face. Her escape is to help others, it had always been a form to cope with her owns, as her mind is busy with other things than being drown in the misery, in her troubles… And when things get fixed she feels so _satisfied_ with herself. It cheers her, it lifts her mood and with that, it makes her feel like she can beat everything.

But today, a crack was shown in her mask, and she felt like falling in a black void of desperation, in denial of how she had failed.

André, her best friend, confronted her, dragging her to the janitor's closet during lunchtime.

No words were spoken. They found themselves wrapped in silence in the janitor's closet, as they were staring at each other, in one hand, Tori was surprised by such sudden action without time to react and she wasn't out of her astonishment yet. In the other, the dreadlocks-haired guy was giving an intense look to the girl waiting some answer or reaction from her.

The tension in that place was growing fast, as the seconds passed by but they felt like a century, as if time had suddenly frozen.

"Well?" Asked André, getting too anxious to wait anymore.

After some seconds and blinking a couple of times, the only answer that he got was a "What?"

André didn't react to that, he just kept looking at the brunette girl that he had in front of him, which he calls his 'best friend'. His thoughts right now were a mess, many going at the same time, all concerning around that girl. He shook barely his head, trying to clear the non-stop train of thoughts that were bombarding his mind, but how could he? If seeing her right there, made to the thoughts to keep coming faster to his mind and he felt like a headache was forming in the back of his head, a lot of questions to make, but he didn't know how to approach about it.

The more he got trapped in those, the more intense his feelings were, he felt hopeless seeing how his 'best friend' was changing, he noticed the changes, those little changes in her. She is a great actor but he had caught her and he knew that something was bothering her. He couldn't help but wonder how long was it since she was being like this.

He felt disappointed, _disappointed_ at himself for not noticing before, for not acting about this till now, and looking at the face of the brunette, he could tell that whatever it was, it was _hurting_ her, it was changing her and it made him feel worse. He was lost at what to do, how to approach her, to make her to tell what it is, to _open up_. André was finding himself in an awkward situation. He felt like they weren't best friends anymore, but like two strangers, two strangers who shared many moments together - but right now he didn't know. He should have thought better this, but he'd let his emotions react before even knowing it... And looking at the brown eyes of her that were as telling a story of pain and sorrow, misery and hopelessness... It was too much for him, it made him feel more confused, he needed to clear his mind to help her.

But a thought was haunting his mind: "_what did I do wrong? Why she doesn't trust me anymore? _"

-/-

"Why you don't trust me anymore?" He said in a really low voice, barely an inaudible whisper unconsciously, so deep in his own thoughts. But she heard it.

And those words were like a full bucket of cold water thrown suddenly over her, each words hitting hard on her heart as she felt how confused and hurt her best friend was. It just made her to feel worse with herself, more than she already was.

Internally she was having a storm of emotions but in the outside she just kept calm, with her face in blank, blinking a few times.

André repeated what he said a bit louder, not understanding why she was being like this with him.

"Why you don't trust me anymore? What did I do wrong?" He asked, worried and frustrated.

Tori saw the concern in Andre's eyes and it made her desire for get out of that place grow more, she wanted to disappear, that suddenly the floor would open in two and swallow her. She played dumb, saying "What?" Acting confused at her best friend's attitude.

André raised his right eyebrow at that, getting sick of that attitude and gave a hard look to the brunette.

"Stop. Stop giving me that, stop playing dumb with me Tori... I'm your best friend... I know when you're hurting; I know that something is bothering you... Tell me; tell me what it is... You're acting like everything is fine but I can see through that, I have caught the tiny changes in you; I can see that you're not your usual cheerful self anymore; it's so fake, so wrong... Tell me" André said, his voice mixed with concern and sadness, breaking in the last words that came out as a whisper.

She saw how worried her best friend was and all because of her and that made her stomach to burn, she felt the guilt rising inside of her. She hated that he could read her so well and no matter what she would say, she knew that she was trapped and couldn't scape without having to say something. She had screwed up.

"Everything is fine, André. I don't know why you are being so worried about. I'm fine" Tori said, the lying coming out automatically, then she gave him a reassuring smile which didn't reach her eyes and it didn't go unnoticed by the dreadlocks guy.

"Tori…" André said. She knew that she has no choice, but she didn't want to admit it, as the seconds passed her heart clenched as she looked at Andre's eyes that were screaming for her to tell him, to trust him but she couldn't find her voice.

"What do you expect me to say?" Tori said in a low voice, her voice bland and emotionless.

"Come on, Tori! You have been ditching us, you have been acting like everything is fine but yours eyes betray you, they only show pain, sadness and misery. Your smiles are fake … I can't stand by and see how you're hurting and not do something about it. Don't you see that I'm concern about you? Where is the happy, carefree and positive half-Latin girl who is my best friend? What happened? Let me help you!" André yelled the last part, exasperated; he couldn't recognize the person in front of him.

"Do you want to know? Fine! My parents are never at home and when they are, they're fighting a lot, yelling at the top of their lungs all around the house and I can't take it. Trina is never home too and I don't know what she has been doing….." Her voice trailing off as she was getting her thoughts together, letting out a sigh. "But don't worry, it will get better" She said, finishing her rant, giving again a reassuring smile like before and headed toward the door, trying to leave before he could say or do something because she was now holding back the tears and didn't want to break down in front of him. She was sick and tired of crying. But he grabbed her wrist making her to turn around and face him.

A few seconds passed with both of them without saying anything only looking at each other, till she pulled away from his grip and left off the janitor's closet. Leaving behind her best friend, who only stared with concern. He knew that she wasn't being totally sincere, something more was hurting her.

* * *

_I am low my friend and how my heart does sink_

* * *

-/-

Tori went to the bathroom and into one of the stalls, she leaned on the wall, eyes closed trying to calm down, she felt how the tears were gathering in her eyes threatening to fall, she tried hard not to cry but she had no more strength to hold them back. Slowly she slipped down and ended in the floor, crying resting her head on her knees wrapped around her arms.

* * *

_It's caving in around me  
(Caving in)  
It's tearing me apart  
(Tearing me)  
It's all coming down around me  
(Coming down)_

* * *

What Tori had said to André was true but not the whole truth. She left out what happened in the weekend… Only thinking about that made Tori to tremble of _fear. _

She couldn't believe how her life has turned to make her to fear coming home, a place where she had always felt _safe_ and _loved_, and her parents to be there.

She couldn't deny that in some moment that the _divorce_ could happen, that made her heart to fall but she knew that it would be better than being stuck in this toxic situation. She just didn't want to think of anything of that, she didn't want to dwell on how her family was tearing apart. How her heart was being ripped out and pain is the only thing that she could feel in her home. She wanted to go anywhere but there.

She wondered what her sister was doing; surely it would be better than being stuck in that house with them, oh how she wanted to have her drive license already.

She was trying, trying hard to keep all under control, to face the situation but not letting it to ruin her life, to not let her grades drop down because of this, not letting know to her friends that she was coming down, that she felt so depressed. She was trying hard to make things to be like they used to, but she failed.

She was failing, she wanted to disappear. Andre had caught her, had seeing that everything was a façade. And now what? Surely he would tell to the rest of the gang – Tori groaned at the thought of that. That was the last thing that she needed, to have all of them worried over her. She hated making people worried about her problems, that made her to feel like a burden and even if they wanted, they couldn't do anything.

-/-

After some time, Tori left the bathroom and headed toward her next class, she didn't know how long she was there crying. At her locker, Tori looked around and saw Jade to be near of hers, giving her one of her 'death glares' but Tori ignored it and decided that the best option was to make as Jade didn't exist, knowing well that she was provoking a beast.

It was time for Sikowitz's class, the last for the day. Tori wanted to skip it and head home already but she knew that it would make things worse. So she went to it, but not looking forward to it.


End file.
